Jana tagged me a few weeks back, I’ve been scouring the anecdotal quarter of my brain, usually only accessible at parties, after alcohol, in the company of pretty women. It’s not been easy, but here we go, mine are a little longer than most, once I start writing I have a difficulty stopping:

1) I hated school and was a totally average student
I can’t imagine a system more designed to producing mediocrity than the english school system, I went to a really bad school but I dont think it would have made much difference where I had gone. I wasn’t the best behaved student and had absolutely no interest in 90% of the topics they tried to teach me (Not helped that I’m instantly turned off by anything with a definate answer which ruled out most of the subjects bar English and Business Studies). I think I was a little mis-understood, here are some of my favourite quotes:

French Teacher: You’re the worst student I’ve ever had.

This was in relation to my behaviour not language learning skills, where I was actually in set 2 of 5.

Science Teacher: You’ll probably work in mcdonalds all your life

Art Teacher: That’s nice, what is it?

Next French Teacher: You’ll have to work very hard to achieve an E (lowest possible pass grade).

- I sure showed her! I’m (and I’m sure my parents) are very proud to say that I never looked a book and still achieved the prestigious honour of the lowest possible pass grade E (not that my CV shows it, in England anything below a C is considered a failure)

The job and interest’s I have now bare absolutely no resemblance to the skills I had then, I was in set 3 of 5 for English (hence my inability to spell or punctuate), didnt opt to study IT (my parents didn’t get a PC until I was 14/15).

2) I used to be an IT tutor for adult learners.
This was teaching a government sponsored beginners IT program for adult workers and the elderly. My oldest pupil was in their 80’s, I would teach everything from launching an application to semi-advanced word stuff like mail merge. I remember once spending 20mins (over the phone) trying to show an elderly women in her 80’s how to turn her PC on. After that time, we concluded

a) Distance learning wasnt for her
b) Distance IT tutoring wasn’t for me
c) She’d been turning her Pc speakers on and off.
d) I’m not so good with the elderly…..

3) I only ever had two career goals, to take over the world (aka fletchycorp) and to work for Microsoft (taking over the world once removed). The first is doomed to failure, the second I was lucky enough to do with my first real, adult job. I spent 13 great months at Microsoft, seeing how a business is run when money is no object. I realised pretty quick that as much as I loved it there, I didnt want to go back, and how hard it would be to give up money/lifestyle once you’ve had it.

4) I once came runners up in a picture of health contest at Butlins.
I have a younger brother and older sister, but we’ve never been into organised fun or joining kids clubs etc. So my parents threw a wobbly about not making the most of the holiday or something, I think maybe I was 7 or 8 (it was butlins after all, not exactly the cultural beacon of the UK). So I was bullied into entering this picture of health competition. Today I think most of men in attendance would be arrested, I guess we lived in different or at least more naive times. I had to stand on a stage infront of a room full of people in just my swimming trunks.

The winner was a fat kid…. It was pity voting at its finest.

It taught me some great lessons though:

a) Life isn’t fair
b) Your parents don’t have your best intentions at heart.
b) Butlins is the first place I’ll close down when I take over the world.

Its a good thing they didnt take into account mental health in their “picture”, mine degenerated rapidly with every minute I was forced to stand infront of a room of people in just my swimming trunks. I’m not sure its ever recovered.

5) I’m adopted but no-one will admit it.
I bare just about no physical or personality traits with the rest of my family. Growing up I used to get alot of stick for the tan I have that no-one can explain, I was taunted for being the “Milkmans son” or being Tunisian. I also have a very fair, blonde sister and a ginger dad (I dont have any photo’s online so you’ll have to take my word for it).

The differing personality traits are even more striking than the physical.

Now I get to tag:

1 & 2 - Christian Bahrendt & Andreas Milles

Two of my team-mates at SS, they entertain me all day with their quirky german strangeness and interesting perspectives. Not sure if Christian has a personal blog, but if not i’ll put up his tag here.

3 - Sparky - My usual partner in crime, tech journalist and further proof of the supremacy of the english sense of humour

4 - Monsieur Lam. Lafraisian and all round interesting guy.

5 - Miles from InnerTee. I’ve interviewed Miles on here a few times, fun guy and I’d like to know more about his background and how he ended up starting innerTee.